100 years from now

yesterday, i was talking with students about what a kyrgyz woman's life was like 100 years ago. they were enranged with the little choice women had and limited freedom. one student looked at me and said, "maybe students 100 years from now will be angry with OUR lack of choice." i look around and see educated, smart, talented women who still do not have the full options that they deserve.... and i think she is right.

the story of how kyrgyzstan came to be

a long, long time ago all of the people went to god to ask for land. everyone went except for the kyrgyz man because he was tending to his sheep. the people asked god for land and each person was given a piece of the world. they all left happy. the kyrgyz man came home from herding his sheep and his wife told him he needed to go ask god for land. so he went.
"god, can i have a piece of land to herd my sheep?"
"i'm sorry, but i have given everything away."
"is there anything left that i can have. please?"
"well there is one place left," said god. "but i was saving it for myself because it's paradise. you can have it because you work hard and love the land."
and that's how kyrgyzstan came to be.... paradaise.

a teacher told me that one during our conversation club today.

did you just say thank you?

sometimes i just assume that my work is not being appreciated or utilized here. it's a different culture where a "thank you" is not required. i realize that americans say "thanks" constantly... but here, you only get one when it's really deserved.
i'm writing my final report for the book grant i wrote last spring. started to get pretty down about it, feeling like i was going to have to lie about how successful it has been. but this week i have been going into the classes to obseve the teachers and see how they are using the new materials in the classroom. sitting in the back, i watched the teachers and students use the materials, be interested in the content, answering the prompts, and structuring the classes with a warm up, presentation, practice, and time for free thinking production. i almost couldn't believe it. my combination of book project and teacher seminars is actually working.
darika, the senior teacher in my department, watched me as i stressed out about how to see everyone's classes. "Katie, your books are being used, Gulia made a universal test for unit 3, and the students are active. Your work is paying off. thank you." feels good to be thanked for doing something worthwhile.

deep thoughts by katie guthro :)

lately, life has been hard. i find myself lost in my head a lot, not knowing what to do, or how to make myself have perspective. i don't have all of the things from home that i could use to cope or to just forget about life for a while... an afternoon at a coffee shop, going to live music and dancing, or free nights and weekends to talk as long as i need to. all of that is gone. so now it's just me.
i remember being in tahoe and talking in the kids camp office. one of the instructors that had been teaching for 40ish years was talking about her husband and marriage. she said, "when it's really good, remind yourself that it will get worse and when it's really bad, remember it will get better." after a year and a half here, i still feel like this is some weird marriage to Stan. right now it's bad, but it will get better.
the longer i am here, the more i realize about myself. jess told me, you will learn more about yourself there than you would in any other situation and in any other place. and i believe her. here i am on the other side of the world, figuring out how i want to live, who i am, and what i really want from life.
i want...
to live in new england
to teach high school english
to coach field hockey
to exercise and be strong
to be proud of what i write
to continue understanding who i am
to take time to listen
to breath deep
to fully give my love to those who deserve it and expect the same in return
to learn more about my family
to make music
to be happy

I’m scared that I’m not going to get my book project money in time to do the training. I’m scared that everyone will think that I have failed and not trust me anymore. I’m scared that I’m going to not make a different in Kyrgyzstan. I’m scared that I’m going to go back to the US and realize that Peace Corps was a waste of time. I’m scared that no one will want to listen to my stories or try to understand how the world is in Kyrgyzstan. I’m scared that I won’t be able to relate to anyone. I’m scared that this has changed me more than I know. I’m scared that I won’t be able to work a full day happily ever again. I’m scared that life will end too soon. I’m scared that there isn’t enough time for me to have to life I have dreamed about. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle what life throws at me.

I’m not scared of getting old. I’m not scared of falling in love. I’m not scared of telling the truth. I’m not scared of moving on to the next stage of my life. I’m not scared of getting married and having a family. I’m not scared of traveling the world. I’m not scared to live in one place and create a solid community. I’m not scared of succeeding in a future career. I’m not scared of trying something new. I’m not scared of shitting myself. I’m not scared of pushing my body to the limits. I’m not scared of having responsibilities. I’m not scared of being myself. I’m not scared of eating intestines… well, maybe the after effect of eating them. I’m not scared of experimenting in the kitchen. I’m not scared of taking a different path. I’m not scared of looking stupid. I’m not scared of being loyal to who my friends are. I’m not scared of people looking at me. I’m not scared of people judging me. I’m not scared of being vulnerable.

success!

I just walked from the university after a successful "The Best English Lesson" competition. Teachers came to present and learn from each other, some travelling over an hour from their villages. As the teachers came in, their cheeks were burning from the cold weather. It's almost winter time and everyone is anxious to have new ideas for the long months ahead. Darien Book Aid sent me a variety of books and teaching material that were used as prizes. The winners walked away with smiles of satisfaction.

Another project I am working on is a teen outdoor education course for the spring/summer. The plan is to bring 40 9th-11th grade students out on 10 day, overnight, and multiday trips into the mountains. The final event will be a 7 day trek out to Engelcheck Glacier. Most locals have not had the opportunity to get out into the mountains and I believe this program will just rock their world. It's exciting to work with the local guides and college students who want to help students grow through outdoor education. Wish the project was starting out now.

I am happy in Kyrgyzstan but I am the happiest when I am in the mountains. It's so good that I forget where I am in the world and just get caught in that moment. That's when I know I am truely content. Really looking forward to bringing Kyrgyz and Russian students to that happy place.

So for now I will wish for the ski season to begin. Let it snow...